[Part 1] On going on Parental Leave
Part 1 of 3. We'll start with some thoughts about going on Parental Leave, what was important to me in preparing for leave, and why I chose to start my leave when I did.
This is the first of three posts in a series on Parental Leave. This is written from my perspective to shed light on how I’ve navigated various parts of this process. This first post is paid, as I go a little deeper into personal thoughts/feelings. The next two parts will be free, as they are more informational and I think they’ll benefit more people.
Today is my last day working until I go on Parental Leave for four months. Writing that sentence feels surreal for many reasons. Primarily, it means that birth is imminent. It has been, but this is just another stake in the ground and milestone to show just how imminent it is—I’m due Monday after all, and so I’ve been cutting it kind of close, playing a dangerous game, and very much have been feeling like I’m on borrowed time.
I think back to a few months ago, when I was furloughed from my job, and I had no idea if I would even have a job to take leave from. The state of Parental Leave in this country is, honestly, abysmal. I work with a lot of folks in the UK who are absolutely stunned to learn that there are millions of Americans that just don’t have access to any substantial leave at all. Many people have to choose between taking time unpaid or going back to work too early. I was super nervous about losing my access to FMLA (which you’re only entitled to after being with a company for a specific amount of time).
Navigating the process of finding a job while pregnant, when I knew I’d be heading out a few months after starting (albeit temporarily) was incredibly stressful and tricky—I’ll share more about how I navigated this situation in the third part of this series. For now, I’ll just say that I am incredibly grateful for my situation, for the following reasons:
I found a job within six weeks of being let go from my last one in an absolutely shit market
It’s a job that I enjoy doing, that I am good at, and is in a Product space that interests me
I’ll get to spend the next 18 weeks with my husband and our new baby, figuring out what our new family dynamic is and what our new lives look like
My partner also has a job with paid parental leave, and it’s so much time we get to take it together rather than stagger it for childcare purposes
A note: I acknowledge there’s a lot of privilege in my situation that is far from reality for so many other working parents. I know plenty of people have been laid off while expecting (both birthing and non-birthing parents) who have not found employment in time. I know there are many birthing parents who barely get enough time to heal from childbirth and others who aren’t paid for the time they take at all. I know many many non-birthing parents get absolutely no paid time, which is really hard on everyone. I know adoptive parents and families formed by surrogacy who have no benefits at all. So I’m feeling grateful and I acknowledge this is all a massive privilege.
I also have never taken more than two weeks off of work on my own terms since I started working, over a decade ago (two layoffs in the course of 13 months gave me some forced time off, but this is the first time I’m stepping away from the grind because of something exciting and positive and of my choosing).
As I said earlier, I’ve been feeling like I’m on borrowed time, with labor technically having been possible for about a week (or more tbh) now. I personally chose to work this last week because it made the most sense to me. I decided last Friday was my personal pencils down date, meaning I had all the big things done then so I could spend this week helping with handoff, seeing what cracks existed in my leave plan, and attending to any last-minute surprises that surfaced. It allowed this week to be really productive but not stressful, knowing that if I had gone into labor and needed to leave early, the big things we done, the important meetings and conversations had, and the team would be alright. I work from home, so if did start laboring while at my desk I could just shoot my boss and HR a quick slack and say something along the lines of “going into labor, guess I’m headed out a few days early!”, shut my laptop, and go along my merry way, knowing things were tied up as neatly as possible.
I also very much just wanted to maximize my time once our son is born. I think I would rather have an extra week with him and my husband than an extra week to stew over all the uncertainty around going into labor. If I did go out a week early, and this kid ends up coming a week (or more) late, I think I’d lose a bit of my mind. For the most part, it’s been nice having the distraction, and knowing that this is an extra week I get with my kid once he’s here.
And working remotely, I don’t have to commute, which also makes this much easier—if I were on the subway even a few days per week, I’d probably want to go out earlier too (especially in this heat—if we choose to have another kid, I will hopefully not be this pregnant in the dead of summer).
So to me, this all just made sense and was my personal best-case scenario. My husband, on the other hand, decided to take this past week off which for him was best—he wanted an extra week to just enjoy being off (and has been very nervous about this kid coming early and ruining his Week of Peace™).
Another note: If it feels like I spent half of this post justifying my decision to work up until my due date it’s because have. I’ve been feeling a little defensive as I’ve received more opinions about this than almost anything else during pregnancy, and considering how opinionated people can be toward pregnant women, I guess that’s something to be grateful for.
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